Started in NYC by Improv Everywhere eleven years ago, the event has been gaining popularity ever since – so much so that a staggering 27 countries took part in Sunday’s festivities.

Multiple thousands of pantsless pranksters swamped subways all over the world, with LA’s participants -boxers, briefs and thongs on proud display- nearing 400 as they gathered at downtown’s Union Station to alternating amusement and dismay of unsuspecting bystanders, then rode the Red Line to Hollywood and Vine.

The official mission statement instructed “agents” to behave naturally and to answer inquiries with nonchalant ease, which became increasingly difficult as their numbers grew. When time came to pile into a train and head to Hollywood, the northbound Red Line was filled almost entirely with bottomless Angelinos.

Costumed heroes and villains faced serious competition as the raucous mob descended onto the Walk of Fame, while tourists wasted no time snapping away with every manner or photo-device imaginable. Even Mickey couldn’t resist a stolen glimpse.

Words and photos by Zoetica Ebb (@Zoetica)

Founded in Los Angeles in 2003 by Rita D’Albert and Liz Fairbairn, Lucha VaVOOM promises the most exciting, titillating, romantic Valentine date night ever! Founder/producer Rita D’Albert exclaims “Lucha VaVOOM is so excited about Valentine’s Day 2012 that we are extending it to three nights; it’s a menage a trois! We want to spend Valentine’s with you so we’re rolling into the Mayan a day early, full of love & kisses & sexo y violencia for everyone.” These shows will feature the talents of some of the strongest Luchadores ever seen on stage along with “Miss Exotic World 2005,” Michelle L’amour, one of the premiere names in modern burlesque. Also joining in is Peekaboo Pointe, known as the “Fastest Tassel-Twirler from East to West,” who’s graced the stage of nearly every burlesque show in New York City and is celebrated as one of America’s most dynamic and seductive entertainers. And there will be a brief marriage ceremony by the beloved Reverend Brown…on stage!

Order tickets before December 14th and they will come with a limited edition Sanchez Claus Christmas Card for you to give Lucha VaVOOM tickets as a Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus present. Give Lucha VaVOOM tickets and you will take care of December AND February gift giving in one fell swoop!

Tickets and Cards available online and at these locations:
$35 General Admission tickets are available:

www.ticketweb.com
WACKO: 4633 Hollywood Blvd, Los Feliz
BRAT: 1938 14th Street, Santa Monica
GARAGE PIZZA: 100 ½ West 7th Street, Downtown Los Angeles

Photos by Zoetica Ebb

My boss came to work Monday excited about her past weekend, having set up her synthetic tree. She has been using it for several seasons now, and she told me that if you use it 9 times or more, it’s impact on the world is less harsh than that of cutting down a real living tree each year. This got my mind wondering… Was this true? Is a re usable plastic tree more sustainable than a single use living tree? What is the best way to recycle both real and synthetic trees? I decided to do some research and report back. The following is what I discovered.

1.) Real Trees “Aren’t That Bad” – The average living room conifer grows on a tree lot for 7 years. During it’s lifetime, it will pull C02 out of the atmosphere, and put Oxygen back in. Most cities in the U.S. now provide some form of tree recycling program making it convenient for folks to recycle. In most cases, recycled trees are used to mulch city parks and or serve other sustainable functions. What we don’t want is for trees to end up taking up landfill space, decomposing with trash creating methane, a gas more harmful to the atmosphere than CO2 or being burned in an incinerator. In Los Angeles and many other U.S. cities, you can either cut your tree and fit it in the green container or simply leave it next to it on pick up day for recycling. Check with your city’s sanitation bureau for specific instructions regarding how to recycle your real tree.

The caveat: Pesticides used to keep trees looking “pretty” get into ecosystems and can cause harm to neighboring wildlife. It is best to buy organically farmed trees when possible. Also, we also don’t want to cut down old growth forest ecosystems to plant mono-crop tree lots. Buying locally grown trees also helps.

2.) The Truth About Synthetic Trees - Synthetic trees when used, reused and reused some more, are also “not that bad” for the environment… The idea here is to keep your tree and not pitch it after a year or two, or 10. My family has had the same plastic tree since before I was born (I’m 30) and it still looks good, and there is such a feeling of nostalgia pulling it out of the attic and putting it together each year. At this point, the damn thing is an heirloom that should pass on for generations. If you must get rid of your tree, for some reason, do not throw it out. Give it to good will, a neighborhood non profit, or consider using the limbs for garland on railing and doorways etc.

Whatever you do, DON’T THROW IT OUT.  Most plastic trees are made of polyvinyl chloride or “PVC,” a chemical compound that contains lead, which causes cancer, developmental problems, behavioral problems, and other bad stuff in humans (not good). Also, PVC cannot be recycled once discarded and most synthetic trees, about 85%, are made in China so we should account for fossil fuels burned in transit when considering their environmental impact.

This concludes “A Green Christmas: Tree Etiquette for the 21st Century.” I’ll leave it up to you to choose what you think is best and feel free to do your own research on the inter web.

Whatever you do, have a Happy Holidays with your loved ones and may your 2012 be extraordinary!

Words by Mike Bucher (@labuche4)

1. A corpse supposed, in European folklore, to leave its grave at night to drink the blood of the living by biting their necks with long pointed canine teeth. 2. A person who preys ruthlessly on others. – Dictionary.com

A pale yet handsome 104-year old high school boy named Edward Cullen who goes against his better judgment, gives into urges, and falls in love with a mortal named Bella Swan. – Twilight movie series

Clearly, the word “vampire” means something different to everyone, but that’s part of what makes us so curious, isn’t it? Part of the allure of the whole vampire thing is the fact that these supposed creatures are so ambiguous to us. There are people out there that claim to be vampires but what exactly does that mean? Do they really suck people’s blood? Do they have sex in coffins? Do these modern day vampires hide from the daylight and are they immortal?

Michael Vampire, lead singer of Vampires Everywhere!, considers himself to be a modern vampire living in urban Los Angeles and has volunteered to help walk us through common stereotypes regarding the vampire lifestyle. Michael explains what is true and what is far from it and divulges what modern day vampirism is all about:

How do people know that they are vampires?

There are many different reasons to embrace the vampire lifestyle. Some people just want a place to belong and some people actually find themselves within the culture. The idea of self realization through the vampire way of life is called “embraced,” which is the act of turning into a vampire – whether it be blood or energy oriented. I found myself within the vampire culture due to the strong aura I give off and the minor psychic abilities from my mother side of the family. For me, it was the perfect fit!

In order to be a vampire, do you have to have a certain “look” that you must pull off to maintain authenticity?

To be truly dedicated to the vampire lifestyle, one must live it every day and not use it as a way to dress up on weekends. Common trends in the vampire lifestyle would include the typical Goth attire – being black clothes & white makeup. Fangs are also part of the lifestyle, which are usually custom made and worn religiously. Keeping your skin pale white can be a hassle in southern California but I manage to do it just fine. The sun not only darkens your skin, but also makes you weak if you truly embrace the vampire lifestyle. The sharing of energy, whether blood or life force, is definitely a trait shared by die hard vampires. I partake in both energy related activities and believe in it whole heartily.

Are vampires really immortal?

I do not feel immortal because I am a living vampire. The mythology behind the vampire culture would have people think this is true, however, so is the idea of wearing a tuxedo around town talking in a Romanian accent. Because of the large amount of energy harbored within my body I feel I do age slower to the eye.

Do vampires drink blood?

The answer to that is yes. Blood play is the transfer of energy (in the form of blood) between a consenting donor and the living vampire. The blood revitalizes the body and plays an important part in sustaining the living vampires energy level and life force.

Do all vampires live in coffins?

The answer to that is hell no! I am claustrophobic and even getting an MRI terrifies me!

Is sex better because you are a vampire?

Yes! The energy levels I give off act as a pheromone and women have said I was by far the best sex they ever had and the only person to make them orgasm. PS.

Do vampires prefer to get it on with mortals or other vamps?

Due to my extreme energy levels, I am drawn to others with high energy levels so much so that I must talk to them or take it further depending on the situation. It matters not if you’re a living vampire. If you got it, I want it!

What are some common vampire myths that you’d like to dismiss?

I don’t turn into a bat. I can see myself in the mirror and I don’t have real fangs!

Do vampires have idols that they look up to?

Currently there are no “vampire idols,” however, I hope to change that! If your talking TV/Movies then mine would be Lestat from Interview with a Vampire and Eric Northman from True Blood.

Is it hard to go against the grain and be a modern day vampire in today’s society?

Being different in any culture has its positives and negatives. People enjoy alienating what they don’t understand and due to the popularity of vampires nowadays, people consider you a “trend hopper.” I am doing my best to be myself and am expressing myself through my music and my band, Vampires Everywhere!. I have a ton of haters that constantly badger me because I consider myself a living vampire, however, I take their negativity and express it in my music. Being a living vampire is a gift and it has changed my life for the better. If you don’t like my lifestyle, there’s the door!

High-energy sex, aging at a slower rate that mortals, and being called the best lover someone’s ever had on numerous occasions? A modern vampiristic lifestyle doesn’t sound so bad! Hopefully Michael helped to clear up some of your misconceptions about vampires living in the world today. If we’ve learned one thing from the information above, it’s that vampires do exist, just not necessarily in the sense that traditional folklore depicts them. Next time you pass by a mob of people and think you see someone wearing fangs and looking very pale, don’t be so quick to dismiss the fact that it may in fact be a living vampire. If you’re in Hollywood when this happens, chances are you’ve just had a run in with Michael Vampire!

Words by Nicole Pajer (@NicolePajer).

Trailer and details follow…

Run For Your Lives allows you to run with a little extra enthusiasm — i.e., you’re being hunted by flesh-hungry zombies who want to devour you, frighteningly set in an environment that recalls the creepiest scenes in Evil Dead, or at least Deliverance. It’s more like an obstacle course, complete with walls to jump over, trees to dodge, and a log cabin…all the while protecting your “health flag.” If you’ve never visited Maryland’s finest city, ‘being in Baltimore’ is usually enough of a reason to be running in fear — but in case you’re not convinced, here’s the official quote from Reed Street Productions, who’s putting on the show:

“We’ve always been huge fans of zombie folklore and wanted to create a live-action experience that provides fans with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,” said Ryan Hogan, managing member of Reed Street Productions. “For training, we recommend some running, along with in-depth studying of zombie movies — it’s not the fastest who will win, it’s the one that can best out-maneuver his foes.” Obviously they put more work into that than those asshats behind all those terrible Romero film remakes.

Register here. Survive, and get beer! (and food and live music too).

]]> http://www.chinashopmag.com/2011/08/run-from-zombies-in-real-life-the-5-k-zombie-marathon/feed/ 0 http://www.chinashopmag.com/2011/02/business-meets-pleasure-at-pins-and-needles/ http://www.chinashopmag.com/2011/02/business-meets-pleasure-at-pins-and-needles/#comments Tue, 01 Feb 2011 19:12:43 +0000 Nicole Pajer http://chinashop.designenginela.com/?p=47744 Continue reading →]]>

Not many people can say that they are able to combine business with pleasure but that is very much the case for Molly Atkinson, owner of Echo Park based Pins and Needles. Molly collects vintage pinball games and also makes a living as a seamstress. After finding a prime space above Bedrock Studios that would house her massive twenty game and growing collection as well as accommodate her tailoring business, Molly decided to set up shop and thus Pins and Needles was born.

The bread and butter of Pins and Needles is Molly’s antique pinball game collection, which includes electromechanical, solid state, and DMD dot matrix display games that line the perimeter of her studio space. Her oldest game is Superstar, dating back to 1971 and if you ask her what her favorite game is, she’ll take a long pause before rambling off an entire list which includes Jungle Queen, Mousin’n Around, Hollywood, Heat, and White Water.

As she works on her tailoring projects, Molly opens up her studio for the public to come in and enjoy her various games. The serious gamers compete to earn a space on the dry erase board that brings status to high score achievers. “There really aren’t any places to play in Los Angeles. There’s an arcade on Vermont that has a rack of new games. You know, they’re fine, but it’s not the style that I like to play. I like the old ones that you don’t have to get a book out to study what all the rules are. Anyone can play these games,” explains Molly. In addition to a public arcade, Pins and Needles is home to a pinball league and is sometimes rented out for private events.

When you walk into Pins and Needles, you are greeted by the chatter of pinball games making little comments in character voices while trying to antagonize you into playing them. The interior is relaxed and decked out in Molly’s personal style. Behind the games, the walls are filled with framed artwork. There are several couches, chairs, and an end table equipped with reading material including a copy of “Pinball Memories: Forty Years of Fun 1958-1998.” A lava lamp burns while candles create a warm atmospheric glow, and Molly always has great tunes coming from her antique record player.

“I’m designing right now and then I do just regular run of the mill tailoring. I worked on some reality TV shows for a long time. That world was killing me so I quit. This is pretty sweet so I’m gonna go with it till the next thing,” explained Molly as she gave me a tour of her “office.” On top of her desk sits a sewing kit and hemming tools. Adjacent to that is a rack full of her current projects.

Tucked into the corners of the room are first place trophies, several of which belong to her pinball-crazed boyfriend who she met at the Fabulous Fantasies pinball tournament in Las Vegas. “He’s the best player ever, in history. He’s won the world championships more than anyone ever. He has a whole room full of trophies. That’s why I can’t move in there,” jokes Molly.

Molly has always been a pinball fanatic. “I’m a serious hillbilly. I’m from the deliverance territory in Pennsylvania. The farm up the hill from us had a pinball machine that we weren’t allowed to play. By the time I finally got my hands on that game, I thought this is the greatest thing in the world.”

Gracious enough to share her vintage game collection with the world, Molly invites you to pop by and experience a game that you wouldn’t find at a typical arcade. The challenge to make it on the high score board is also extended to all. If you plan on visiting, a trip at the bank to grab a roll of quarters is not necessary, as Molly will gladly make change for you. “I have so many quarters here it’s scary,” exclaims Molly.

www.pinsandneedlesla.com
Open from 9am-1am Tues, Thurs-Sun
Occasionally closed to the public for league tournaments and private events so text Molly at 323-313-9449 to make sure it’s open before you arrive

Words Nicole Pajer. Photos by Sidney Bensimon.

Friday morning arrived and I manned up, drove into Hollywood, and found myself in the lobby of the world famous Museum of Death. J.D. was there to greet me and there was absolutely no turning back from this point on. I’m happy to report that I went through the museum without fainting, screaming, turning blue in the face, shortness of breath, or any sort of emotional outburst and that after completing the tour, I actually felt like a bit of a wimp for any pre-museum anxiety and a bit of a badass for not having been one of the fainting victims.

“I’m more into installation so I think that the way you can talk as an artist in this day in age is by immersing the viewer in the environment and not so much as just a painting on the wall. By doing that it creates this whole thing around it that you have no control over. And that’s why we have people pass out. You know people come up with their own ideas about what this is supposed to be and that’s the best thing about it,” says J.D.

Just how many people pass out inside The Museum of Death?  Well according to J.D., it happens from time to time but isn’t really an everyday occurrence. “We get a few every month but, like last December, we had seven people pass out.” He went on to explain that it’s a mixture between men and women but that last December was all women. “I had a girl pass out last month and she went down, went through the baby casket area, came back out, got up and went, ‘Wow that was hard.’ I said, ‘You’re going back to see the rest right?’ She goes, ‘You bet.’ And she went back in there. The time before that another girl came three times. She passed out and she kept going back in, kept going back in, and kept going back in.”

The museum features a collection of pieces of, well pretty much what you would imagine, artifacts, pictures, and memorabilia all rotating around the theme of death.  The Museum of Death contains death related objects that you can’t find anywhere else in the world, such as Serial Murder Artwork, autopsy instruments, a body bag and coffin display, World War II images, a wall of funeral home matchbooks, skulls, photos from the Charles Manson and Black Dahlia Murder crime scenes, the eerie Traces of Death video, and a taxidermy animal display, featuring J.D.’s own deceased pot bellied pig Chaos.

J.D., and his wife, Cathee Shultz, decided to start the museum due to the lack of education available on the concept of Death. “We’re all gonna die. It’s not that big of a deal. If you live your life fully right now you have no worries. Don’t wait to live your life. You live it now,” explains J.D.

The museum was originally located in San Diego and J.D.’s first exhibit featured an annual serial killer art show, a project that required him to begin corresponding with notorious killers in prison and on Death Row. “I was juxtaposing cereal boxes, you know the corporate way that companies advertise to children, and serial killers and posing them together so – what’s really evil you know…big corporations that brainwash thousands of millions of kids everyday or serial killers that get a couple hundred victims? I tried to put those together so that people would have a dialogue about what’s been really bad out there -serial killers – cereal corporations. You know it’s a whole weird thing. So that’s how I started writing serial killers because I wanted to learn more about them. I started writing to and then I started visiting them on Death Row and then my wife started writing to them. I still get letters from Richard Ramirez.”

I asked J.D. where on Earth he finds half of these artifacts to which he replied, “People bring things to my desk every day. I’ve been collecting avidly for 25 years – everywhere from EBay to auctions to estate sales – antique stores, thrift shops.” J.D. is proud of everything he has on display in his museum but is particularly pleased with his ‘Guillotined Severed Head of the Blue Beard of Paris,’ “The pieces I have are amazing. The severed head that I have is the only severed head of a serial killer in the world,” exclaims J.D. “Someone saw us on TV who was a neurologist and he lives in Malibu and he had a garage full of brains and stuff. His wife wanted to convert the garage into a day room or family room and so they did and as she was going through the garage she looked in a bag and there’s the head. She brought it in, put in on the kitchen table, and said either the head goes or I go.”

Highlights from my tour included being forced to sit in an electric chair and have my picture snapped, which J.D. said he looks forward to seeing, a taxidermy animal collection including Jayne Mansfield’s Chihuahua, albino creatures, deer hoof BBQ tools, a two-assed chicken, and playing with J.D. and Cathee’s pet two-headed turtle named Eng and Chang.

As you leave the Museum of Death, J.D. looks at you, smiles, and proclaims, “Have a nice life.” After experiencing the museum first hand, I’m definitely more inspired to do so.

The Museum of Death: ENTER IF YOU DARE!

6031 Hollywood Blvd.
Hollywood, CA   90028
(323) 466-8011
$15 admission
Free parking

www.museumofdeath.net

Hours:
Sun-Fri 11AM – 8 PM
Sat 11am – 10pm

Words by Nicole Pajer.  Photos by Zoetica Ebb.

Every Halloween, Johnny Love invites the public inside his spooky world of ghosts and ghouls as he hosts the popular Love Manor, his personal haunt display that invades his home.  Johnny has been transforming his house into a Halloween wonderland since he was a child, where he resided with his family in their San Diego home.  As a child, Johnny was known for tearing up Love abode and spending the majority of the year preparing for the upcoming Halloween season.  His mom often heard him sawing late at night and lay in bed wondering what was happening to her residence.  “I would paint walls, remove fixtures… and would have to fix them later.  I wouldn’t worry about that part till after though,” explains Johnny.  Whether or not the house was restorable, one thing for sure was that Johnny always went all out on Halloween.

“One year we did a Pirates of the Caribbean theme with fog rolling in through five fog machine and 40 galloons of fog juice,” says Johnny.  “We had fireflies out in a cemetery that I built.  They were created with little LED lights with microscopic fans that would go around the trees.  From a distance it would look like a bayou.”  Another year, Johnny put up 120 feet of raw iron cemetery fencing around the entire yard and 50 pounds of Spanish moss in the backyard trees.  “It blew through the neighborhood, but it was great for the moment!”  Before the Halloween season, Johnny would refrain from mowing the lawn for over a month so that it would be a half a foot tall and he’d also drag dead oak trees into the front yard.  Johnny has also been known to rig up several strobe lights to resemble lightening and have wind blowing through the curtains in every room of his home.

Currently residing in Los Angeles, Johnny has his own dwelling to tear up and transform into a Halloween masterpiece.  The day before Halloween, Johnny invited me into the Love Manor as he prepared the final details for the big day.  The first room I visited was the dining room which housed a table set with a white linen cloth and an assortment of eerie treats including a cheese plate with figs and actual meal worms, suckers with insects inside, “Rotten Weeds” aka a mixed greens salad, a mysterious ‘dark’ chocolate cake, bat cookies, wine bottles with “Venom” on the label, and martini glasses with ghost marshmallows and skull swizzle sticks inside.

An adjacent table held candy apples with twigs piercing through them.  Candles were lit throughout the kitchen including tall pillars set amongst a sea of cobwebs. Next to the table sat a witch’s cabinet that Johnny built and filled with antique books of ghost stories, teeth, bottles and potions, skulls, gargoyles, mugs containing eyeballs, and highly venomous snakes in a jar.  Behind the dining area was a frosted mirror, two silhouettes of a man and woman, antique ship paintings and bottles of apple cider bubbling in a cloud of dry ice.  The stairway was marked with flickering lanterns.  A hallway table contained an actual newspaper clipping about a London murder placed inside of a glass jar next to a Sabertooth skull.  Bats and crows popped out of corners of the home and you never knew when you’d run into something like a spider or a cage of rats with bloody bones on the floor next to you.

Upstairs was the swamp room where a wreath constructed of branches hung on a wall behind a table of potions, poisons, Snake Oil and Vampire Blood.  There was a painting, done by a mutual friend who introduced me to Johnny, framed in the room that was ironically inspired by a picture of yours truly.  According to Johnny, the painting is of Charlotte.  “The back story to Love Manor this year is that her husband was Hamilton and he wanted to keep her young forever and he killed her in the process so she haunts the manor.  He was a mad scientist so everything downstairs is his.  We’re going to tell everyone this when they come in.”  In the middle of the swamp sits an antique radio that plays classical music and old Twilight Zone-inspired tunes and adds an extra creepy element to the scene.

The beauty of Love Manor is that all of Johnny’s set ups are one-of-a-kind custom creations that feature props that he hand picks from places like swap meets, garage sales, and various websites.  He is continuously searching for treasures for his Halloween collection, and what he doesn’t find, he creates on his own.  “If I can’t find it.  I usually just try to find some way that I can make it.  I think I go to Home Depot and spend more money on making the house creepy than fixing it up,” explains Johnny who works in the art department for his day job. “Working in art the last few years has taught me a lot about cheap fabrication and how to vintage things up a bit.”  Johnny made the mirror look foggy and the chandelier appear antiquish by applying a coat of dulling spray.  He painted walls and put up molding to create the look he desired for his dining room set-up.  The spider webs on the candlesticks were created by a webcaster gun – hot glue and an air compressor, and the witch’s cabinet was constructed entirely by Johnny himself.  The labels on all of his potions, wines, and bottles were created by Johnny and are extremely popular with his fans.  He offers them as free downloads on his website and people frequently incorporate them into their own Halloween décor.

Love Manor has become so popular over the years that Johnny has dedicated a blog to it, which receives thousands of hits a month.  People from all over the world including Finland, Russia, and various islands follow Johnny’s work.  He had a photo of a kitchen set up in Halloween Celebrations Magazine that Women’s Day puts out and he receives fan mail and Halloween gifts from many of his supporters.  His Love Manor gallery recently surpassed 300,000 hits and his followers are continuously begging for more. “I get comments from people that live in places like Finland saying that they’re so happy that they found my website and Love Manor and they hope that by using my ideas they can help spread Halloween throughout their countries.  That’s a huge honor to have people say something like that.”

Johnny prides himself on staying away from shopping for decorations at big name stores.  He is inspired by the likes of Tim Burton and Mark Davis, who designed the Disney Haunted Mansion. “They just have a really creative style of Halloween that I like.  I’ve never really been a fan of the intestines coming out of baby fetuses on the ground – things you’d see at bigger stores.  I like creating my stuff too because then you know that no one else has it. I love being on the vintage side of everything -The elegant classy side rather than blood and gore.”

Every year his creations are different and he continuously tries to outdo himself.  “When people come into Love Manor I like them to feel disconnected from the outside world.  They definitely don’t see anything that reminds them of going into Kmart and buying commercialized stuff.  That’s what Walt Disney did. When you are in Disneyland and in the park, you can’t see any outside buildings.  When you step into door you are in a totally different world.  I’m slowly achieving that.”

Johnny’s ultimate goal is to have a haunted mansion bed and breakfast where guests can get the whole effect: eat in the dining room together, and take little hearse rides to town.  “That’s definitely one of my goals – in an old spooky village somewhere on the East coast,” states Johnny.

A few weeks after Halloween, Love Manor will start to go back into storage, walls will be repainted, and much to Johnny’s dismay, the normal furniture will be restored.  Then it will be time to prepare for next year’s event, as it takes almost a year to do so.  Ideas will be drafted, sketches will be drawn, and before long, it will be time for next year’s return of the highly anticipated Love Manor.

Words by Nicole Pajer.  Photos by Sidney Bensimon.

For most of us the awkward creations of our adolescence are safely tucked away in the back of a closet or in the deep reaches of the attic.  We stumble upon these relics while packing or spring-cleaning, we laugh, cringe, reminisce and then tuck our creations back in the boxes where they live.  Then there are the few among us who drag out old journals, letters, poems, lyrics, plays, home movies, and art and present them publicly.  Welcome to the world of Mortified, a hybrid of stand up comedy, performance art and show and tell; a meeting of comedy and catharsis.

It all began in the late 1990s when founder Dave Nadelberg stumbled upon an awkward old love letter and began sharing with friends.  In 2002 Nadelberg and co-producer Neil Katcher formalized the project as Mortified, which now boosts 9 chapters including Los Angles, New York, Chicago, Austin and even Maimo, Sweden.

The Austin Chapter’s latest performance took place at The United States Art Authority and featured 8 “authors” along with The Mortified After School Orchestra.  The Orchestra is an eccentric three piece that performs unique covers of old favorites in between the presentations, this includes a stunning kazoo infused rendition of Wham’s Careless Whispers.

The presentations varied greatly but all contained unifying themes.  According to Eric Wallenstein, who presented hard-core lyrics he wrote despite the fact he was never in a band, “Most mortified pieces don’t come from normal well-adjusted kids, and that’s what makes each piece stand on its own … the eccentricities of the maladjusted.  But, at the same time there’s always some commonalities between every show, talk of sex and drugs … and always Anne frank. There is at least one Anne frank reference every show (and they always get a laugh).”

Other musical presentations included Jenn Hartman who summed up her motivation: “As for sharing my material, I have no shame!  And I realize that the terrible, ridiculous, agonizing songs I wrote as a child, only led the way for some of the wonderful songs I have written as an adult.”

Journals are a large portion of the presentation. Jessica Stookey  read from her journal where she documented in detail what she wore to school everyday.  “ When I found out how to submit my embarrassing diary entries I decided what the heck, I won’t get selected anyway.  But I did get selected”

For more information, performance schedules or to find out how you could be a part of Mortified visit www.getmortified.com.

Words and photos by Charles Ferraro

As I walked in for my official behind-the-scenes tour, Todd and crew were in the process of feeding Lenny & Squiggy, a two-headed hognose snake, and one of the rarest snakes in existence.  “There has never been one like that in quoted history,” Todd explained.  Cheech & Chong, a two-headed turtle with six legs, was another intriguing oddity that I was introduced to.  Todd explained that many of the two-headed animals have two personalities.  They often compete over who gets to gobble up their food and sometimes disagree on which direction they want to move in.  I also had a chance to pet the adorably spunky 5-legged Miniature Pincher, Rocky, who Todd and his wife Danielle adopted and consider to be a part of the family.

Todd’s daughter, Asia, gave me a glimpse of her fire eating skills, contortionist maneuvers, and ability to tolerate sitting in an electric chair, which made me a bit squeamish to watch.  Next it was Brett’s turn to debut his sword swallowing skills.  He grabbed a sword, licked both sides, and shoved it down his throat as it disappeared into God knows where.  As if that wasn’t talent enough, Brett took it to the next level by bending forward, showing off another angle of his partially digested sword.

As a child, Todd had a curiosity with the circus and the strange.  It was when his stepfather took him to a carnival that he stumbled upon a performance by Otis Jordan, who carried a message that would stick with him forever.  Otis, otherwise known as the “Human Cigarette,” was a man with ossified hands and legs that used various parts of his body, like his tongue and shoulder, to open a jar of tobacco, pull out rolling paper, pour a perfect line, and light the cigarette.  Captivated by the show, Todd was given the opportunity to speak with Otis afterwards who told him, “If I can do what I can in my condition, you can do anything.”  Keeping Otis’s words in the back of his mind, Todd continued to collect circus paraphernalia, along with ‘strange things,’ while working his way towards a career centered around his other love, the music industry.  After becoming a Grammy-winning producer, Todd opted to bail out of the corporate world and decided to open up the freakshow to try his hand at his passion.

The quest to collect two-headed and other strange creatures is an ongoing hobby for Todd, who frequently visits reptile forums and speaks with hobbyists to track down his creatures from around the globe.  In addition, Todd never stops searching for the most talented individuals that he can find, snatching up anyone who has a show-stopping forte.  Todd explained to me that an 80-year old woman was rolled into his freakshow the other day in a wheel chair, attached to an oxygen tube.  He showed her one of his two-headed turtles to which she replied, “In my 80 years, I have never seen anything like it.”  “That,” explained Todd, “is why I do what I do.”
Words by Nicole Pajer, photos by Sidney Bensimon

For more information on Freakshows and the world of circus sideshows, please visit www.sideshowworld.com

The Venice Beach Freakshow
909 Ocean Front Walk
Venice, CA 90291
(310) 314-1808