Film Fridays | ChinaShop

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Film Fridays Thor vs.The Beaver! Or: ChinaShop Reviews Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet

May 6, 2011 - 7:41 pm

The two movies receiving the most hype this weekend are The Beaver, although the speculation is really over whether it’s going to redeem Mel Gibson’s career. So far, the verdict ain’t that good. Roger Ebert lauded the film’s performances, though he apparently has trouble with the fact that it’s about a man who, well, wears a beaver puppet on his hand. Manhola Dargis, self-proclaimed greatest film reviewer in the world, claims that “A promising story about a madman and his puppet fast becomes a trite tale of a father and son as the combustible Mr. Gibson is tamped down…” I’m not going to waste my time watching the movie. I’m giving The Beaver a sh*tty review based solely on the sh*tty trailer.

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Film Fridays Terminator 5 — The Original Cast Returns; Fast Five is the Best of the Franchise; The Avengers Begins Filming

by Jeff Nau

April 29, 2011 - 11:45 pm

Looks more like Arnold than Arnold himself

So an aging and orange arnold is set to return as everyone’s favorite android. Everyone knows that there’s always gonna be only one Terminator, and that’s Arnold, but unless they come up with some seriously magical sh*t quick to get us out of the ass-deep uncanny valley, he’s gonna be the first cyborg with a colostomy bag and Med-Alert watch. Maybe we’ll get to see Linda Hamilton rub Ben-Gay on his bullet wounds. The best thing is that the original cast (Michael Biehn/Linda Hamilton/Eddie Furlong) will return as well. Having typed that it’s getting easier to realize why James Cameron washed his hands of this franchise so long ago.

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Film Fridays Geek A New Look At Green Lantern’s World, Attack the Block’s New Trailer, and The Boycott Against Akira Grows

by Jeff Nau

April 22, 2011 - 7:46 pm

The new extended TV spot for Green Lantern is out, taking us deeper into the world of Oa and Kilowog…honestly I wasn’t too sure about veteran James Bond director Martin Campbell handling this one (guess you can’t have Nolan or Arronofsky for every comic book film) but the trailer has me pretty sold.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVbBsf4akXY

Meanwhile Star Trek veteran George Takei lashes out against the whitewashing of Japanimation masterpiece Akira in a series of tweets…“Akira epic fail–all actors up for Kaneda & Tetsuo are white? Sign & RT the petition…” He ain’t the only one pissed off about it, as the petition’s been live on Facebook for months now.

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Film Fridays Study Shows Nicolas Cage’s Hair May Have an Effect on the Quality of His Films

by Jeff Nau

April 15, 2011 - 7:15 pm

It might be that that he named his kid Kal-El (after Superman’s real name?), and says it so casually in interviews, like his name is Mikey. Or maybe the fact that he has so much goddamn money, he bought a buncha houses and a castle, and then went bankrupt. The rumor is that if you interview the guy, and he catches you looking at his hairline, he will end the interview. It might be that.

On that same subject, a bizarre trend of recent hairstyles has recently caught many moviegoers off-guard. While many of us realize we’ll never get the pompadour of Peggy Sue or the Elvis-loving locks of Wild at Heart, it’s Cage’s recently off-kilter mugs that make his films harder to concentrate on.

3. Bangkok Dangerous (see above) — Sporting a cut similar to John Travolta’s in Pulp Fiction, this is a cut that might look cool but even someone as cool as Travolta was walking that fine line. It sort of proves that this late in life, having the long hair is more of a distraction from that face. We love ya without it, Nic. But that’s okay, cause all I had to do was see those locks on the movie poster to know enough to ignore it.

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Film Fridays What You Should See This Weekend (A Movie About a Killer Tire) and What You Should Avoid (Everything Else)

by Jeff Nau

April 1, 2011 - 6:20 pm

Even though it’s April, consider the summer film season officially on. After last week’s almost universally panned Sucker Punch, the industry seems on the rebound with a slew of some of the year’s best-reviewed films.

But the one we’re recommending is Rubber, the tale of a living, presumably breathing and extremely pissed car tire named Robert – who wants nothing more than to hook up with chicks, watch exercise videos, and make heads explode, Scanners-style.

Read on for the trailer and mo…

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Film Fridays Why Video Games Make Sh*tty Movies…and Why the End is In Sight

by Jeff Nau

March 25, 2011 - 5:56 pm

to make up for what you’re about to see.

As a sort of tribute to Sucker-Punch — which is a lot like a video game in that it’s very pretty to look at, lots of stuff gets blowed up good, and you have to defeat lots of big bosses and collect a sort of triforce of power thing (which in this case will allow you to escape rapists, sadistic dominatrixes and a Cuckoo’s Nest-style mental ward) — this week seems appropriate enough to pay a tribute to an age-old Hollywood disease that began, innocently enough, with this:

Take a stroll through cinema hell and view some of the worst video game to film translations ever, and find hope in why the genre might be dying out.

But first focus on this. Ok, here we go

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Film Fridays Cinema’s Top Wusses Who Become Badass Vigilantes

by Jeff Nau

March 18, 2011 - 5:39 pm

Edward Norton – Fight Club: A scrawny-looking schlub, Norton plays a sort of yuppie Man With No Name who takes sh*t from everyone and in his spare time orders stuff from an LL Bean catalog. Then Tyler Durden comes out. “You’re not your f*cking khakis,” he growls at Norton/us, and thus is born one of the greatest vigilantes in cinema history. Now Norton is free to go bat-shit — which is not restricted to beating himself senseless to frame his boss for assault, shooting himself in the face, and soap-bombing a bunch of evil conglomerates. Not to mention braving the man-boobs of Meatloaf.

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Film Fridays The Five Most Disappointing Aliens in Cinema History

by Jeff Nau

March 11, 2011 - 6:40 pm

Disclaimer: Not including Ed Wood/MST3K-style stuff here, just cuz it’s too easy… Otherwise it’d probably be “Santa vs. the Martians.”
5. Aliens from Alien Nation : Alien Nation continues with that pesky problem that plagues many of its fellow Hollywood ilk: Aliens who came from billions of light years away don’t have to look entirely unlike us, but couldn’t they have at least tried harder than a simple bald cap and some painted spots on the head? Bonus: the guy aliens get pregnant, complete with their own OB-GYNs.

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Film Fridays 5 Music Video Directors We’d Like to See Make a Jump to the Big Screen

by Jeff Nau

March 4, 2011 - 7:19 pm

(warning: pseudo-naughty bits ahead)
Rad Omen — “Rad Anthem” (Nicholas Goossen): Get together 5 fast-food restaurant mascots for a party on Friday night — in this case, Ronald McDonald, The Colonel, Jack from Jack in the Box, and the Burger King himself — all doing shots, doing lines, partaking in general debauchery, etc., and it”s hard not to get hooked. Arguably the lowest on the mascot totem pole, the miserable King doesn’t look like any amount of coke will help him.
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Film Fridays Film Fridays: 5 Amazing Musical Moments From 80s Movies

by Jeff Nau

February 25, 2011 - 5:50 pm

5. RAD – The bike scene
This is really just a copy of what Daniel-san had to face at the Kobra-Kai dojo in Karate Kid, only with bike-riding ruffians. Goody two-shoes Cru (guess what I’m naming my kid now) and his girlfriend, the chick from Full House, strut their stuff at the high school dance. With his repertoire of ballet kicks and Gymkata-style dance moves, Cru’s kinda like Baryshnikov if he was a BMX bandit. One of the 80′s all-time best montages. They want a shot at your title, Daniel…

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