Here are 5 Star Wars items that you absolutely need to both a)feed your crack-like addiction of all things Empire and also b)serve a useful purpose in day-to-day life. In order of usage throughout the day:
5. The Darth Vader Alarm Clock. Too tired to get outta bed, lazy-ass? Well perhaps he can find more ways to motivate you. The crick in your neck isn’t from sleeping the wrong way, it’s because you dared to hit snooze.
Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane has stated before that he’s a huge Star Trek fan, even hinting in a recent interview that he wants to somehow be a part of the franchise. Read the full story
5. How to Avoid an Atom Bomb: When the nuclear fireball hits, nothing’s quite as useful as ducking underneath a piece of wood. Yes, the PSA Duck and Cover is full of insightful tips for avoiding incineration — from the turtle who hides in his shell, to the lovely cartoon domestic setting that is torn apart Hanna Barbera-style by an explosion, few things could be as useless in knowing how to avoid being vaporized by a nuclear attack. Have we even come up with an alternative in the past 60 years? Sh*t.
It’s a risky business, coming up with alternate endings to movie classics. Even if you’re just being funny, people can and do take it personally when you f*ck with their stuff (take George Lucas, for example). A little animation group called HISHE (How It Should Have Ended) has popped up, providing some nifty alternatives for The Dark Knight, Iron Man, and even The Empire Strikes Back. Read the full story
This week marks the official 25th anniversary of what many believe to be David Lynch’s cinematic magnum opus — yes, even more than Eraserhead and Mulholland Drive — so being as there’s no other real movie news today, grab your oxygen tank and crank up the Roy Orbison. It’s time to hit the f*ckin road back in time and celebrate what is both one of the most hated and beloved movies in the entire history of cinema.
China has made Angry Birds into a real-life attraction. Meaning goodbye petty video game, hello huge Communist theme park with 15 foot tall catapult and other set pieces the government spared no expense in building — so now you can catapult those little f*ckers just as far as you’d like, if you happen to be in China.
Though if anybody noticed, there’s a crucial element missing from the game. Those set pieces really are cheap– and the giant blocks are apparently welded into the stage so that you can’t really knock anything down.
There may be a big resurgence of all things nerd going on right now, but as the line between ‘geek’ and ‘nerd’ and ‘dork’ thins, as those damn hipsters start to infiltrate the scene wearing pairs of black framed glasses and pre-washed baseball comic shirts from Target, Meltdown Comics on Sunset may be the last bastion of all things nerd. Some might even call it Xanadu.
And tonight was to mark an historic event: for the first time since the 1980s, DC Comics were going to be rebooting every single one of their comic franchises. The first, Justice League #1, was to officially drop at midnight.
I guess all that’s missing is the celebrated cast of characters — The Log Lady, Agent Dale Cooper, Frank Booth — but the renowned director’s Parisian nightclub may be the next closest thing to hanging out in Lynch’s dreams, especially since it’s named and modeled after Club Silencio in Mulholland Drive. Warning: That’ll be 1000 francs, please. Read the full story
3. Darren Aronofsky– The Wolverine: Darren, I love you. That said, go f*ck yourself. As you’ve made clear, you’re too GOOD for the Wolverine franchise and have no wish to dirty your hands with a comic book movie and turn it into something Nolan-worthy. Want to spend more time with the family? What kind of director are you? (And is that why you’ve just had four films in pre-production, you lying bastard?) What went wrong? Is it the script? It’s a piece of sh*t, isn’t it?
One side-effect of this obsession with all things nerd is the pop culture phenomenon known as ‘nerdcore.‘ What the hell is nerdcore, you might ask? For the most part, it’s a bunch of honkies who often look like Milton from Office Space and rap about Nintendo, Star Trek, and computer hacking. Here’s more on the scene which spawned the Nerdcore Calendar, Nerdapalooza, and a few of the most dysfunctional/erratic/talented rappers in the genre.
