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Today had to begin a very specific way before I sat down to write this piece: I had to eat cake for breakfast. That’s because the the Dark Arts Festival entertained their guests with a real-life cake-eating contest, in the spirit of the event’s second night’s theme: “Let Them Eat Cake: The French Revolution” Inspiration is important, after all.

I’ve never been privy to an eating contest of any kind as I understand it, they generally take place at county fairs and dim back rooms of seedy bowling alleys. I’ve never been able to charm my way into either, so the dark art of face-stuffing has eluded my grasp until last weekend.

When the clock struck eleven, it was time to rally the brave few willing to gorge on baked goods for prizes. It’s not entirely unreasonable to suspect that at least part of the reason for the late starting time was the silent understanding that contestants-to-be would need to be properly pickled before signing up for potential public humiliation. Utah’s strict alcohol law does a great job preventing over-intoxication with tiny per-drink booze allotment, but that didn’t seem to affect everyone.

Dozens of cupcakes were arranged across two tables, and four brave souls stepped up to the doughy challenge. Photographing this sugarfeast was a bit like attempting to catch a wild beast devouring his pray  in the wild.  Wrappers flew, maws gapes and teeth chomped. Perhaps more hypnotic than the mummy-wrapping contest, this experience left me agog with a sense of childlike wonder and a detestation for cupcakes I didn’t know was possible.

Words and photos by Zoetica Ebb

 

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