It’s the most wonderful time of the yeeeeear… February is the month that fashionistas love and dread. Fashion week menacingly dominates the psyche. From Paris to New York and London to Milan, the selection of shows is staggering. Style aficiandos stumble through airports, sleepwalk through shows, subsist mostly on champagne and do their best to report what they’ve seen. Glamorous though it may seem, the reality is far from it.

Here’s my guide to surviving fashion week with style, grace and God willing, a little sleep.

* BUSINESS CARDS.  It should go without saying, but a lot of people forget them. Consider having two types of business card — one with your phone number on it and one without.  Do you really want to give that information to everyone you meet? Perhaps not. It helps to carry a permanent marker, too. Jotting down a short note on the back of someone else’s card can help you feel like you’re not developing early Alzheimer’s when you get home.

* MELATONIN. Supplement of the Gods. Can’t sleep? Legendary jet-lag? Constant, recurring nightmares about harem pants? It’s okay, you’re not alone. Pick up a bottle of melatonin & you’ll be delivered from insomnia.  Take it 30 minutes before you’d like to be conked out, then lie down and wait for the magic. Thank me later.

* A GOOD COAT.  It’s really crucial. Why? Because there is still snow on the ground. THERE IS STILL SNOW ON THE GROUND. Unless you want hypothermia (so not this season, darling), you will wear a coat and you will like it. Look, it’s pretty much all anyone will see. Get something with a great shape in a length which works for you.  Sure, by the end of February you’ll never want to look at it again, but in the interim, you can accessorize with brooches, scarves and the ever-sexy official fashion week lanyard…

* A SANE FOOTWEAR REPLACEMENT. I know you planned to wear a killer pair of stilettos — we all did. But Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in New York was blighted by a blizzard — the weather-casters called it “Snowmageddon” — and thus, you will need something else on your tootsies while you navigate huge puddles of slush, enormous snow-banks and icy sidewalks.  Pack your Louboutins in your tote if you must, but please do wear something sensible to and from the shows.  Chanel doesn’t do crutches or neck-braces — yet.

* A RELIABLE INTERNET CONNECTION. Feeling scorned? No good invitations in the mail?  Never fear!  Twitter has been all aflutter with show updates since the start of the month — it’s just like being there, except less attitude.  If all else fails, sit at home in your pajamas and tune into the live-streaming shows.  The internet and blogging has made haute couture more accessible to the public than ever before, which means no one needs to miss out. I watched Rodarte (brilliant) while eating lasange (delicious). Picture doing that next to Anna Wintour!  (You would surely splatter her with tomato sauce and then the trouble would really begin.)

Forget about…

* LUGGING AROUND YOUR LAPTOP.  Unless you’re spending all day at the shows, leave your laptop at home.  It’ll only weigh you down and God forbid it starts raining.  Don’t you have a smartphone?  Or you could try that newfangled “pen and paper” thing…

* BEING ON TIME. Events like these are surely where the phrase “fashionably late” got its start.  All the shows will be delayed.  Don’t worry so much, and don’t curse your taxi driver! It ain’t worth it.

* YOUR EGO. Unless you’re an A-list celebrity, it’s pretty fair to say that whoever is holding a clipboard doesn’t like you. (In fact, this year, being an A-list celebrity is a strike against you. It’s hard to keep up.) You’ll take the seat (or standing room) you’re given and you will like it!

* NORMAL LIFE.  Typical interactions, sane conversation and a nice, comfortable pair of jeans are a long way away. There is plenty of time for those things in March. For now, embrace the madness — that’s what it’s all about!

Words by Gala Darling