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I’m not in the business of tapping people for their afterlife advice. I’m in the business of boozing and taking photos so that thou may live vicariously through me. It seems fitting that  I compile a list, based on this most recent assignment in Denver: “Things I Did in Denver Whilst Day Drunk.” Overall I was pretty pressed for time, but I think I’ve mined a couple golden nuggets for you.

The Buckhorn Exchange:

Henry H. “Shorty Scout” Zietz is, to quote the Buckhorn’s menu, “easily recognized as one of the most colorful figures of the Early West.” He’s the founder of The Buckhorn Exchange, in its second century of operation and recipient of the first liquor license issued in cold-as-balls Colorado. Adorning the walls of this woodsy establishment are a wide variety of trophies (dead animals for you city folk), accrued over many years of store ownership. The gallery includes a bear shot on a guide hunt with Teddy Roosevelt himself and ranges from a mere tit mouse (giggidy) to the western bison. It can be an educational experience to clamber over a stranger’s table to gawk at the dinner menu-inspired nature dioramas. For those of you with a weaker stomach, there’s a collection of celebrity-signed photographs which would easily make Planet Hollywood the Buckhorn’s bitch:

• Jimmy Carter (who happens to be a shitty tipper)
• Alan Thicke (did you know he wrote the theme songs to Diffrent Strokes AND The Facts of Life?)
• Elinor Donahue (whoever that is)
• and Lance Michaels (the winner of the 21st Annual Buffalo Bill look alike Contest who now manages a laundromat in Nederland)

Nothing makes me hungrier than looking at a bunch of dead animals on a wall, so I had a small sampling of the fried alligator tail, rattlesnake, and just a pinch of Buffalo sausage. D-E-E-licious I must say. The story goes that if you see the ghost of the stuffed squirrel mount pooping above Eisenhower’s picture, they’ll call you a free cab.

Words and Photos by Dustin Downing

 

The Buckhorn Exhange, 1000 Osage Street,  Denver, CO 80204

5.00 (3 votes)

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